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RE: How Much Do We Tell the Children about Sex, and When?
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From: Nancy Silverrod <nsilverrod_at_sfpl.org>
Date: Tue, 22 Nov 2011 14:15:38 -0800
X-EC0D2A8E-5CB7-4969-9C36-46D859D137BE-PartID: 281F13EA-2439-4D1A-843D-F667B6D60783
Science Daily reported in 2009 (http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/08 /090817142855.htm) that 1 in 4 low-income kids reported having sexual interc ourse for the first time at the average age of 12.77 years. That's 25% of ki ds already sexual before the age of 13. Some kids reported having sexual int ercourse for the first time at 8 or 9. The article states that maternal educ ation somewhat raised the age of first intercourse. It doesn't state whether these experiences were all voluntary, or whether rape or incest was involve d.
Another study looked at when parents and kids first talked about a list of s exual topics and found that parents were way too late a great deal of the ti me.
I think it's critical to recognize that children are sexual beings, and we h ave to be talking to them about safe sex (hetero-, and homosexual), birth co ntrol, and empowering them to say no and to tell someone about unwanted sexu al advances before they hit puberty!
I also think it's also important to stress that making love is a pleasurable thing between two people who love each other and are ready to take that ste p in a responsible way -- that it isn't all about risk.
Of course, I almost got kicked out of school for bringing this up in 7th gra de sex ed class where we were being shown photos of people with advanced syp hilis and being told that getting pregnant was practically inevitable the fi rst time.
We started talking to my stepson about these things, and giving him age appr opriate books when he was around 8. He was a little squirmy about the topic, and we often talked during car rides where he had a bit of privacy in the b ack seat instead of having to look at us face-to-face. We knew we needed to start the discussion when he did an internet search for "naked people" and e nded up on a porn site! We told him that if he wanted to look at pictures of naked people there were art photography books we could check out of the lib rary. This also presented an opportunity to talk in general terms about sexu al exploitation.
If parents can stay calm when these things come up, they offer opportunities to convey not only information, but values.
He never told us when he became sexually active, but, by the time he introdu ced his boyfriend to us when he was 17, we were able to feel relaxed that he was well-educated.
Nancy Silverrod, Librarian
San Francisco Public Library
100 Larkin St.
San Francisco, CA 94122-4733
nsilverrod_at_sfpl.org
415-557-4417
Date: Tue, 22 Nov 2011 14:15:38 -0800
X-EC0D2A8E-5CB7-4969-9C36-46D859D137BE-PartID: 281F13EA-2439-4D1A-843D-F667B6D60783
Science Daily reported in 2009 (http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/08 /090817142855.htm) that 1 in 4 low-income kids reported having sexual interc ourse for the first time at the average age of 12.77 years. That's 25% of ki ds already sexual before the age of 13. Some kids reported having sexual int ercourse for the first time at 8 or 9. The article states that maternal educ ation somewhat raised the age of first intercourse. It doesn't state whether these experiences were all voluntary, or whether rape or incest was involve d.
Another study looked at when parents and kids first talked about a list of s exual topics and found that parents were way too late a great deal of the ti me.
I think it's critical to recognize that children are sexual beings, and we h ave to be talking to them about safe sex (hetero-, and homosexual), birth co ntrol, and empowering them to say no and to tell someone about unwanted sexu al advances before they hit puberty!
I also think it's also important to stress that making love is a pleasurable thing between two people who love each other and are ready to take that ste p in a responsible way -- that it isn't all about risk.
Of course, I almost got kicked out of school for bringing this up in 7th gra de sex ed class where we were being shown photos of people with advanced syp hilis and being told that getting pregnant was practically inevitable the fi rst time.
We started talking to my stepson about these things, and giving him age appr opriate books when he was around 8. He was a little squirmy about the topic, and we often talked during car rides where he had a bit of privacy in the b ack seat instead of having to look at us face-to-face. We knew we needed to start the discussion when he did an internet search for "naked people" and e nded up on a porn site! We told him that if he wanted to look at pictures of naked people there were art photography books we could check out of the lib rary. This also presented an opportunity to talk in general terms about sexu al exploitation.
If parents can stay calm when these things come up, they offer opportunities to convey not only information, but values.
He never told us when he became sexually active, but, by the time he introdu ced his boyfriend to us when he was 17, we were able to feel relaxed that he was well-educated.
Nancy Silverrod, Librarian
San Francisco Public Library
100 Larkin St.
San Francisco, CA 94122-4733
nsilverrod_at_sfpl.org
415-557-4417
--
Our memories are card indexes consulted and then returned in disorder by aut horities whom we do not control. -Cyril Connolly, critic and editor (1903-19 74)
A closed mind is like a closed book: just a block of wood. -Chinese Proverb
Message-----
From: DONNA BARKMAN
Sent: Tuesday, November 22, 2011 12:25 PM To: CCBC Network Subject:
How Much Do We Tell the Children?
A fascinating and rich discussion to which I'd like to add a new topic that, as Megan mentioned, can overlap with intellectual freedom issues. Ellen Le vine's new book, "In Trouble," published by Carolrhoda, deals with reproduct ive rights issues in the U.S. in the 1950s, 1956 - to be precise.
Two 16-year-old best friends are pregnant, one having been pressured by her boyfriend ("if you really loved me") and the other seduced and then raped.
Suspensefully told in fair-minded, even-handed short chapters, the book is p robably the first novel to speak to young teen readers of adoption/abortion issues. When do we tell the children? In strongly positive reviews, SLJ re commends 14 and up; PW says 12. Do we tell them at all? Not if most publis hers had their way. If you have the time, do access the link below, the audi o of a panel at the October Boston Book Fest at which Levine details her dif ficulties (even as an established, award-winning author, known for dealing w ith tough, important subjects) in getting a publisher for what is historical , not contemporary, fiction, perhaps because history is attempting to repeat itself, requiring that writers and publishers be heroic in their efforts to tackle controversial issues.
Courage,
Donna
Donna Barkman
barkman1_at_verizon.net
1 Reservoir Road
Ossining NY 10562
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Received on Tue 22 Nov 2011 02:15:38 PM CST
