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From: terry northcutt <woodndance>
Date: Thu, 20 Sep 2001 12:26:01 -0400
I am a psychologist. I have worked in schools and with adults and children who have been victims of trauma. There are differences of opinion about whether to use books related to this tragedy or to use fantsy books, etc.Ironically I have no answers. I can only share how I take the journey with those who have suffered horrible pain and loss.
The most important thing I have learned is that listening and being present is helpful to people. I have also learned that asking what someone needs is helpful. What helps me doesn't necessarily help my clients, what helped one of my trauma victims has not necessarily helped another. I ask people what direction they want to take. Do they want to talk about the trauma directly? Would they find books, movies or songs related to the trauma to be helpful? Would they like to work on other things before approaching the trauma until they know me better or they are at a place where they feel more ready to appraoch the horror and pain of the trauma. Sometimes people don't know what they want or need so I try something and ask them if its helpful.
Timing is very important. Listen and watch closely. There is a time in which people do not want to talk about a tragedy. They want silence or to escape into play, movies, fantasy, books,etc. Sometimes the pain is simply to fresh and people need distance. You may be surprised to know that in my therapy room with people who have suffered unspeakable horror and pain there is not only sadness and anger and numbness, there is also general conversation, humor, belly-laughing positive humor and black humor.There seems to be a time for each of these reactions. You may be surprised that as a psychologist I am not stressing the need to face it, talk about it, etc. These things are important. But each person I have worked with seems to understand when they are ready to face the pain and how it will be best. Some do use books, movies and songs that touch on the theme of their tragedy. But timing seems to be the critical issue. I offer, they tell me when they want to escape and when they want informaition, books etc that relate to their trauma and to share their painful thoughts and feelings.I start where people are and walk with them where they need to go and when they need to do what they need to do in the way that they need to do it. A child who has recently faced a divorce may not want to try and process this current tragedy while a child in a more secure situation may have a million questions and feel more secure if adults provide answers. Stylistically children are different too. Most difficult of all, children don't always state their needs. However their behavior and non-verbal cues will tell you whether you are on the right track or need to modify or drop what you started. The more fidgeting and the more misbehavior the children show the more likely they are becoming overwhelmed with anxiety and may need to shift to something lighter.
Teachers are in a very difficult situation right now and I can only express my respect and admiration for your courage each day you walk into a class carrying your own pain and trying to decide what to teach or not to teach in the wake of this tragedy. I can only share with you that after years of working with children and adults who have experienced trauma that I often flounder, I often do not know what the best thing to say or do is, but by listening and careful thinking I often find the most helpful path and even when I have taken a wrong turn my clients still apppreciate the fact that I am trying and help me back on course. Asking your students what they need may be helpful, meeting different needs through groups doing different activities may be helpful. Asking do you want to read Charlotte's Web or one of the books that has been recommended on this site may be helpful. Using books related to the current tragedy and watching for responses that indicate relief that someone is talking or upset and a need to escape for now may also be helpful. In other words there doesn't seem to be any one right answer but children do seem to recognize when you are present, when you are trying to listen to their needs and will appreciate your help and since there is no one answer different material may be necessary for different students.
I can only hope that as you as teachers attempt to begin the school year with this tragedy and no time to have come to know your students, that the parents, principals and others in the community are providing you with the support that you need. My thoughts and prayers are very much with you.
Terry Northcutt
Received on Thu 20 Sep 2001 11:26:01 AM CDT
Date: Thu, 20 Sep 2001 12:26:01 -0400
I am a psychologist. I have worked in schools and with adults and children who have been victims of trauma. There are differences of opinion about whether to use books related to this tragedy or to use fantsy books, etc.Ironically I have no answers. I can only share how I take the journey with those who have suffered horrible pain and loss.
The most important thing I have learned is that listening and being present is helpful to people. I have also learned that asking what someone needs is helpful. What helps me doesn't necessarily help my clients, what helped one of my trauma victims has not necessarily helped another. I ask people what direction they want to take. Do they want to talk about the trauma directly? Would they find books, movies or songs related to the trauma to be helpful? Would they like to work on other things before approaching the trauma until they know me better or they are at a place where they feel more ready to appraoch the horror and pain of the trauma. Sometimes people don't know what they want or need so I try something and ask them if its helpful.
Timing is very important. Listen and watch closely. There is a time in which people do not want to talk about a tragedy. They want silence or to escape into play, movies, fantasy, books,etc. Sometimes the pain is simply to fresh and people need distance. You may be surprised to know that in my therapy room with people who have suffered unspeakable horror and pain there is not only sadness and anger and numbness, there is also general conversation, humor, belly-laughing positive humor and black humor.There seems to be a time for each of these reactions. You may be surprised that as a psychologist I am not stressing the need to face it, talk about it, etc. These things are important. But each person I have worked with seems to understand when they are ready to face the pain and how it will be best. Some do use books, movies and songs that touch on the theme of their tragedy. But timing seems to be the critical issue. I offer, they tell me when they want to escape and when they want informaition, books etc that relate to their trauma and to share their painful thoughts and feelings.I start where people are and walk with them where they need to go and when they need to do what they need to do in the way that they need to do it. A child who has recently faced a divorce may not want to try and process this current tragedy while a child in a more secure situation may have a million questions and feel more secure if adults provide answers. Stylistically children are different too. Most difficult of all, children don't always state their needs. However their behavior and non-verbal cues will tell you whether you are on the right track or need to modify or drop what you started. The more fidgeting and the more misbehavior the children show the more likely they are becoming overwhelmed with anxiety and may need to shift to something lighter.
Teachers are in a very difficult situation right now and I can only express my respect and admiration for your courage each day you walk into a class carrying your own pain and trying to decide what to teach or not to teach in the wake of this tragedy. I can only share with you that after years of working with children and adults who have experienced trauma that I often flounder, I often do not know what the best thing to say or do is, but by listening and careful thinking I often find the most helpful path and even when I have taken a wrong turn my clients still apppreciate the fact that I am trying and help me back on course. Asking your students what they need may be helpful, meeting different needs through groups doing different activities may be helpful. Asking do you want to read Charlotte's Web or one of the books that has been recommended on this site may be helpful. Using books related to the current tragedy and watching for responses that indicate relief that someone is talking or upset and a need to escape for now may also be helpful. In other words there doesn't seem to be any one right answer but children do seem to recognize when you are present, when you are trying to listen to their needs and will appreciate your help and since there is no one answer different material may be necessary for different students.
I can only hope that as you as teachers attempt to begin the school year with this tragedy and no time to have come to know your students, that the parents, principals and others in the community are providing you with the support that you need. My thoughts and prayers are very much with you.
Terry Northcutt
Received on Thu 20 Sep 2001 11:26:01 AM CDT
