CCBC-Net Archives
Protecting Marie
- Contemporary messages sorted: [ by date ] [ by subject ] [ by author ]
From: Sulman Family <dsulman>
Date: Sun, 21 Jan 1996 21:39:33 +0500
What struck me most after finishing "Protecting Marie," was not so much Fanny's powerlessness as a child living with adults, but the way the two women of this household tiptoed around the father/husband, Henry. He so much set the emotional tone for their lives. The two women (wife and daughter) seemed almost to be holding their breath, trying to anticipate his mood and reaction day by day, so that they could support him. Because of his age? Sixty doesn't seem that old to me, maybe because I live in a household with a 60 year old husband and 3 rambunctious, full-of-energy sons (including two who are twelve). Fanny must be so careful to be neat, quiet, sensitive to Henry's every mood. She must go along with his games, which he finds entertaining and she finds painful and frightening, resorting to locking away her precious posessions to protect them from him.
Ellen must cover for Henry when he walks out on the carefully-prepared birthday party, by calling all the guests and saying he has the flu.
(Reminds me of the "enabling" behavior of family members who cover for an alcoholic who can't go to work). Henry doesn't seem to consider the hurt that his actions cause. I think most fathers would have gone along with the party and tried to be a good sport about it, at that point. The three don't seem to talk about what is important to them, and how each others' behaviors have made them feel. I was puzzled why Ellen would prepare such a party if it was so uncomfortable for Henry. And doesn't Henry realize what it means to walk out and stay away overnight, leaving them worrying and embarrassed and sad? (And how about angry, too?)
I was struck that Henry in two instances came home with a dog for Fanny, never allowing her any input into the selection process. He seemed so insensitive to her feelings as a full person, who might want some degree of participation and choice of such an important part of her life. He seemed to believe that a new dog, chosen by him, was a perfectly valid replacement for the lost dog that Fanny grieved for. Just as he feels that Marie is just a piece of junk to be thrown out, and Fanny's feelings about her belongings don't really matter. He listens to her explanation, but makes no attempt to really hear. This doesn't seem so much a power parent-child thing. It's a lack of sensitivity on his part to the needs of those around him.
I am puzzled by Ellen's silence in all these interactions. She does not seem to me to be as fully developed as a character as Henry and Fanny are. I want to shout at her to stand up and be more assertive, both for her own sake, and as a role model for Fanny. And how can Henry ever learn any better if no one tells him how his actions have made them feel? I would like to know more about what attracted Ellen to Henry, why she sticks with him, covers for him, protects him, and doesn't seem to demand some nourishing for herself from him.
It is a measure of how powerfully the prose drew me in to the story, how angry I felt at the parents here. I am not saying that they were poorly drawn. I think they were very believable. I wish they would read the books by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish on communicating with children!
I loved the descriptions of Fanny's interactions with Dinner. I agree that the ending was lovely. I lived for several years near the neighborhood described, or at least what seems to be just like it, walked the railroad tracks in the snow, and am eager to take a look at the exhibit in the CCBC.
Anne Altshuler, Madison, WI
Received on Sun 21 Jan 1996 10:39:33 AM CST
Date: Sun, 21 Jan 1996 21:39:33 +0500
What struck me most after finishing "Protecting Marie," was not so much Fanny's powerlessness as a child living with adults, but the way the two women of this household tiptoed around the father/husband, Henry. He so much set the emotional tone for their lives. The two women (wife and daughter) seemed almost to be holding their breath, trying to anticipate his mood and reaction day by day, so that they could support him. Because of his age? Sixty doesn't seem that old to me, maybe because I live in a household with a 60 year old husband and 3 rambunctious, full-of-energy sons (including two who are twelve). Fanny must be so careful to be neat, quiet, sensitive to Henry's every mood. She must go along with his games, which he finds entertaining and she finds painful and frightening, resorting to locking away her precious posessions to protect them from him.
Ellen must cover for Henry when he walks out on the carefully-prepared birthday party, by calling all the guests and saying he has the flu.
(Reminds me of the "enabling" behavior of family members who cover for an alcoholic who can't go to work). Henry doesn't seem to consider the hurt that his actions cause. I think most fathers would have gone along with the party and tried to be a good sport about it, at that point. The three don't seem to talk about what is important to them, and how each others' behaviors have made them feel. I was puzzled why Ellen would prepare such a party if it was so uncomfortable for Henry. And doesn't Henry realize what it means to walk out and stay away overnight, leaving them worrying and embarrassed and sad? (And how about angry, too?)
I was struck that Henry in two instances came home with a dog for Fanny, never allowing her any input into the selection process. He seemed so insensitive to her feelings as a full person, who might want some degree of participation and choice of such an important part of her life. He seemed to believe that a new dog, chosen by him, was a perfectly valid replacement for the lost dog that Fanny grieved for. Just as he feels that Marie is just a piece of junk to be thrown out, and Fanny's feelings about her belongings don't really matter. He listens to her explanation, but makes no attempt to really hear. This doesn't seem so much a power parent-child thing. It's a lack of sensitivity on his part to the needs of those around him.
I am puzzled by Ellen's silence in all these interactions. She does not seem to me to be as fully developed as a character as Henry and Fanny are. I want to shout at her to stand up and be more assertive, both for her own sake, and as a role model for Fanny. And how can Henry ever learn any better if no one tells him how his actions have made them feel? I would like to know more about what attracted Ellen to Henry, why she sticks with him, covers for him, protects him, and doesn't seem to demand some nourishing for herself from him.
It is a measure of how powerfully the prose drew me in to the story, how angry I felt at the parents here. I am not saying that they were poorly drawn. I think they were very believable. I wish they would read the books by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish on communicating with children!
I loved the descriptions of Fanny's interactions with Dinner. I agree that the ending was lovely. I lived for several years near the neighborhood described, or at least what seems to be just like it, walked the railroad tracks in the snow, and am eager to take a look at the exhibit in the CCBC.
Anne Altshuler, Madison, WI
Received on Sun 21 Jan 1996 10:39:33 AM CST
